By James Sutton
Marriage is one of the most rewarding, meaningful and misunderstood of all God’s institutions. It’s special because it mirrors Christ’s relationship with the church; it’s also a personal and covenantal expression of His enduring love. Many elements of marriage are complex and misinterpreted by society, particularly in the area of sex.
Sex is a holy and natural act meant for both pleasure and procreation. God ordained sex to occur only within marriage, and it’s the responsibility of each partner to sexually satisfy the other. Sex is the highest form of intimacy two humans can have, which distinguishes marriage from any other natural relationship.
In Hebrews 13:4, the writer states that marriage is honorable in everything. In God’s eyes, a man and woman getting married do an honorable thing. The writer continues to say that the marriage bed is “undefiled.”
I was always taught that once a person got married, there was no limit to the height of sexual exploration in which two people can ascend. However, the more often missed revelation of the text is that it deals not with the sexual freedoms we have, but the ways in which we pollute or defile the marriage bed with unnatural acts, materials or devices.
The presence of gadgets such as vibrators, other people or pornographic materials defile the marriage bed. Attempting to enjoy the fruits of sex without holiness is the root of defilement. As such, all other forms of sexual activity are condemned as sinful.
I’m not trying to enter your bedroom and tell you how to engage in sex, but rather explain how God meant for us to relate sexually. Sex is pleasing to God and should not bring shame to you or Him.
Shame comes when we introduce pornography and other devices to add spice. Some even bring in third parties or allow a spouse to engage in extramarital relationships. All these are defilements to the marriage bed.
Kirk Franklin openly discussed his addiction to porn and how he pressured his wife to watch it so she could be sexier for him. Porn has no place in your sex life. People in those films are paid actors hired to perform. It’s sinful to watch it married or not and it’s unrealistic to expect your partner to perform like an actor in a movie. When they don’t, disappointment and resentment will manifest.
Sexual devices are attempts to satisfy each other using man-made products. Trying new positions is good, but you have to question their origin in your mind. Are you asking your partner to satisfy you in a similar fashion as a previous partner? If so, it’s no different from watching porn and asking them to be like someone else.
Many of these defilements were born in pagan cultures and eventually entered mainstream. For example, in Paul’s day, Corinth was a hotbed of sexual deviance where everything from open prostitution to the use of tools was commonplace.
Spicing up your sex life doesn’t mean adding a new toy. A trip to Victoria’s Secret will be more beneficial. We get lazy sexually instead of rekindling the personal intimacy needed to sustain a happy sex life.
The marriage bed is a sanctuary for praise, worship and holy acts to occur. You wouldn’t bring ungodly things into the church and shouldn’t bring ungodly things into your marriage bed, either.
One way to praise God in your marriage is to have godly sex. In church, we use our hands, mouths, feet and all sorts of instruments to praise God. Through marital sex, our bodies become instruments of praise like high-sounding cymbals, trumpets and harps and your spouse is the bandleader. Together, you produce the kind of music that even Berry Gordy couldn’t manufacture.
Scripture commands, Let everything that has breath praise the Lord. Church praise is corporate, marital sexual praise is private. It might seem awkward to think of marital sex as praising God, but hopefully you can appreciate the fact that anything He created was meant to bring glory to His name.
This text is incomplete until you read the remainder, which says, “but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” Introducing a paganistic sexual philosophy into your marriage bed will bring His judgment.
Sex is a gift from God to be exercised and enjoyed by a husband and wife joined in holy matrimony. We should keep His gifts pure, holy and with the intent to bring forth the best fruit in our lives.
James Sutton is an ordained minister and writer. You can find more of his writings at his blog called “The Descant” at jmsutton.wordpress.com. You can email him at
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